Secondary school life was hard. Very hard. To the point where I almost wanted to quit because life just sucked that much. There are so many instances where people blatantly bitch about me in my face, and even though looking as if I didnt care was very easy, trying to get over it was a whole other story. Some of these situations have remained with me until today, because that is how deep those wounds that they have caused are.
One of them, I can clearly remember, was when I was in sec 2. Well, many of these instances happened in sec 2. Lol. The class was watching this mini clip about the Disney version of Little Mermaid, and all of a sudden one boy said 'Oh my God! I saw Theodora!' (Oh, and I remember who it was, just dun wanna mention any names. I'm so nice, I know.) Then all the guys laughed. As we watched on, Ariel showed on the screen, and all the guys were like 'no this is definitely not her'. I was dreading to see what character I was in their minds. Then, Ursula came on to the screen. 'YEAH THIS IS HER HAHAHAHA' all the boys went hysterical, and a few girls also laughed and screamed along.
In my opinion, they really do not have any consideration for other people's feelings. The teasing didnt stop there. They continued all the way until the end of the class, and the teacher had enough. I thought I could hold my tears back, but when she started scolding the guys, I started sobbing uncontrollably. How embarrassing right? But it was unavoidable. Imagine, people making you see yourself as a fugly fat evil bitch.
Now, I have enough sense to see that they are even uglier than me.
Oh, and times in band. The WORST. Well, it was partly my fault, because I didnt have any tact with my words then, and I just blatantly said whatever was on my mind: The music just sounded horrible. Needless to say, I got lashed out at. My blog started to fill with comments from my seniors and their FRIENDS, as well as all my other classmates, (all under anonymous names, cowards) calling me all sorts of names, saying that they were stating FACTS, not opinions. I never cried, and did my best to defend myself.
I tried posting things like 'i know i am fat, i know i am ugly' and all that shit in order for the bullying to stop, but instead, the bullying escalated. Needless to say, i was in despair. Some of my friends tried to help me, but the flood never slowed down until the end of the year.
I prayed to God everyday that this would stop, but he didnt answer my prayers. So i thought God didnt love me. But, I always believed that things would get better, so I pressed on, and kept on praying.
Oh, and another minor incident that I just cannot get out of my head, because I was so happy when I finally got my revenge, is that time during Chinese class, and Yue Ning and I were sitting in front of these two ugly bitches (yes, I'm bitter) then they loudly commented: 'Why are we sitting behind these two people? Oh it's because they are too CHIO (beautiful) already. hehehe' I could almost see the sarcasm dripping out of their mouths. At that point, I resolved to make them EAT their words like nobody's business, and my chance came during prom night.
I came dressed in the most dramatic prom dress ever, and had my makeup done by a pro. When one of the two bitches saw me (the bitchier one), she couldn't think of anything to say, much less give me that stupid condescending look of hers every time she sees me. She was in reluctant awe of what I could look like, and also because she looked so bad (oops). I was skipping around in victory in my head, and could not help giving a slight smug before turning away when she was still staring. I swear, her expression is ingrained in my mind, and whenever I needed motivation, I would just turn to that memory for comfort.
Oh, there were 4 friends that I could rely on during these hard times, and they made my life a whole lot easier. But the thing is, they have never once stood up for me against the bullies. This made me quite bitter, but I understand that it is not in their personality to stand up for me, and also, no matter how hated I was, they still stood by me no matter what. That's why people, treasure your friends.
Now, I am living an incredibly happy life in ACJC, in an amazing CCA, and have met so many awesome people who are always by my side when I need them. Many of my peers are surprised to see how well I'm doing. When I do some stalking, it always delights me to see those who have been awful to me get their rightful retribution. God had really answered my prayers when I asked for friends, because I got them.
Now, I occasionally bump into some of those bullies, and they greet me rather warmly. Only AFTER I had more friends in AC of course. I reciprocate, but in my head, I can't help but think, you two-faced mofo, you wanna be FRIENDS now? After what you had done to me? Seriously?! -.-
Anyway, I just wanted to show those who are in the same situation that I was in, or any other people who are having a hard time coping with their social life, that life DOES get better. You just have to hang in there and BELIEVE that it will get better. Honestly, I cant ask for anything more now, because life is so great. Be understanding toward others, never treat others like dirt, and even if you don't like a person, don't show it, spare them the pain. It is not being hypocritical, it is just being tactful. Now, I am trying my best to live by these principles, even if I don't really appreciate certain people.
Believe that you are beautiful, and you will be :)
Kudos.
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