Now I understand

Everyone's under a lot of pressure....

Family tensions arent getting any better. No matter how much I can find comfort through superficial means, it does not change the fact that things arent going very well.

Dad's behaviour getting more and more obnoxious is partly due to his ailing health as well as a business that has not yet taken off. Angry as I might be with him many times, I am extremely worried as well.

I need to start doing something.... anything. Bosses are not replying my emails regarding job applications.... wtf man. It's alright, I will not stop till I get a job.

As are almost over

It has been so long since I blogged. 

Well, it has been one hell of a month, most of it spent slogging over the books. I probably did more math in two weeks than in the entire year combined, which really says something.

I guess my papers over all were okay, but I dont think I can get As for any of them except for GP. Econs was especially horrible because I couldnt do the second case study at all (it was so bad I almost broke down in the middle of the paper)

Anyhow, I have put in my best (I know im not lying to myself when I make that statement because I really did work extremely hard) and if my best wasnt good enough, so be it. I shall just see where I can go from there.

Now that I have a bit of free time before my music exams, I am starting to get really serious about my fashion studies. Going to the Bugis has become a daily affair for me, that place has all the relevant materials that I need, (eg. the LKC reference collection, Arab street for fabrics, bugis junction for food and the street for mainstream fashion....) Every day I learn something new, something exciting, something eye opening. It is funny how just a few years ago I thought that I already knew everything I needed to know, ie. having a good eye for clothes. Now, I see how foolish that thought is. Fashion is such a big, competitive and downright bitchy industry with so many aspects to it, I really need to build a strong foundation before I can get anywhere.  

Her industry, basically. She owns it.

(Talking about Anna, you should watch the September Issue. Everyone claims that she is horribly scary and cold, but from what I saw alone, she's just not sociable.... and she reminds me of some extremely unreasonable teacher that we always encounter at school all the time. But she is such an intelligent and deadly efficient woman, its no wonder everyone fears and respects her. Even the Kaiser. 

I think her quotes are much more relevant now, much more so than those of (omg can i even say this) Chanel or Dior, because it is so much more modern and representative of the new way of thinking. A few of them really spoke to me, I will list them down below:

1.“It’s always about timing. If it’s too soon, no one understands. If it’s too late, everyone’s forgotten.”

THIS. Basically sums up the whole industry in one sentence.

 2. “Just be true to yourself, and listen as much as one is able to to other people whose opinions you respect and look up to but in the end it has to come from you. You can’t really worry too much by looking to the left and the right about what the competition is doing or what other people in your field are doing. It has to be a true vision.”

3. “Fashion’s not about looking back. It’s always about looking forward.”

I don't exactly agree with this statement, but this mentality had led Vogue to its current status and success.

Don't mess.)

 

Nowadays, Im always going to town all by myself, eating and studying alone. Even though I am always really in the zone whenever I set off to these places with a goal in mind, I'm starting to realise how lonely I feel. There is no one to talk to to share my thoughts and expand my ideas with. But I guess I'm much better off this way, I think best whenever I am on my own.

Prom's coming up, I have my accessories and shoes ready, now all thats left is the dress. Im getting it tomorrow from Zhuang Tai, I have really high expectations for it. :) Oh and I cant wait for the shopping session with Qian and Hui Hui on Friday, itll be my first time going out with them. 

Will probably be blogging about prom, till next time guys.

Oh, you think I'm an easy toy for you to play with, huh?

Oh, so you think that just by saying 'Hey Theo' after a month, that I am going to melt again and do your bidding? Did you think that it was gonna change things? Did you think that by saying 'sorry' would change ANYTHING about what you did to me and how I felt? DO YOU THINK IM EASY? 

Fuck you for telling me you liked me.

Fuck you for leaving me for another girl.

Fuck you for coming back to me when she dumped you and using me as a rebound.

Fuck you for treating me like shit when I forgave you those many, many times.

Fuck you for not appreciating anything I did for you and taking me for granted.

Last but not least, FUCK YOU for thinking that you would have a second chance, because I am long gone. 

why don't you say those pitiful words to a girl who actually gives a fuck? Because I have come to realize that your sorries are all just for show. There isn't an ounce of sincerity in them. Because when people say 'I'm sorry', they change for the better. That isn't the case for you. Sooner or later, you would just go back to your old habits. And the only reason why you came back is not because you really liked me, but because there is no one else to entertain you, keep you company, or get into a relationship with. 

I know that I deserve better, much much more than a guy who treats me like an option and is ready to leave once he finds someone more desirable. Hmm why don't you try begging for the other girl's attention since 'she left her mark on you'? You never did anything for me, never once tried to call me, never did anything to show me off, so why me?

I am the sweetest most caring girl to people whom I think deserve it. Did you know that I can be the downright bitchiest and cold-hearted when it comes to those who don't? Because pride is important to me, and those who care for me will never ever hurt it. You had your chance(s), and you destroyed them all. Not so innocent now, huh? 

Two people can play the same game, and trust me, now that IDGAF about you anymore, I play it much better than you do.

A_______ , you are one fucking son of a goddamn bitch. SCREW YOU_|_