I have been communicating with my friends, and it seems to me that many of them are feeling down because they either don't have confidence in themselves or that they are worried about what will happen in the future.
So following that, I'm going to be breaking down this post into two parts- building confidence and keeping calm.
Part 1: -Finding confidence in yourself.
This was particularly difficult for me when i was Secondary 2 because I was being bullied in school as well as on the internet. I have been called ugly and fat etc. by people in who had no time to study but had time to bully me (and they ended up doing terribly. suckers) and i had very few friends except for those who stuck by me forever.
How did I manage to pull myself out of that depression zone?
Firstly, recognise that everyone is beautiful, especially Yourself. About 90% of the girls will look into the mirror and say WTF is this, my thighs are huge, I got no boobs, my arms look like clubs, I'm acne-filled, my hair sucks and blah blah blah. This mindset happens to even gorgeous girls, and I'm like, "Babe. You are a fking size S. You can do anything you want."
This applies to everyone, except "people like ahem".
(the quotation marks are not wrongly placed)
This was what I did two years back. Stand in front of a full-length mirror, stare at yourself, and start saying: I am beautifully and wonderfully made, emphasising on one word for each time you say it. For example, I am..... i AM.... i am BEAUTIFULLY..... and so on. When i was doing this activity, I actually started feeling better about myself and started giggling like a crazy girl.
I was also watching the movie 'Black Swan' a year ago, and it talks about how Nina wanted to be 'perfect'. Her ballet technique was flawless, and she was so fragile, so thin, and so beautiful. But, her director was not happy with her because she was too rigid. Quotes from the movie-
Thomas Leroy: Really? In four years, every time you dance, I see you obsess, getting each and every move perfectly right. But I never see you lose yourself. Ever. All the discipline, for what?
Nina Sayers: [quietly] I just want to be perfect.
Thomas Leroy: You what?
Nina Sayers: I wanna be perfect.
Thomas Leroy: Perfection is not just about control. It's also about letting go. Surprise yourself so you can surprise the audience. Transcendence. And very few have it in them.
[Nina's watching Lily dance in rehearsal when Thomas comes up behind her]
Thomas Leroy: Watch the way she moves. Imprecise but effortless. She's not faking it.
Perfect doesn't mean you have to be perfect. It is in your flaws too. You need to have a sexy dark side to yourself (although be careful not to fall so deep into it). And there goes my favourite saying again: sensuality is the key to all thigns beautiful. I mean yeah, I would love to be the White Swan, if I had the looks and the body and the personality. Those are for girls who naturally act weak and are really girly and pretty. (refer to XiaXue's Cavernous Vagina post, it totally reflects what I'm trying to say here) For all the other not too good looking and size M and above girls, we have to find our own sensuality in order for others to see it.
Feel it in you.
After I felt wonderful, I started to look the part. My wardrobe used to be filled with T-shirts and jeans and sneakers. After taking a good look at my wardrobe, I decided I had enough of it. I grabbed a copy of Seventeen and started to shop for skirts and dresses and heels. *feels like a supermodel* Guys should do the same thing, although I know naught about men's fashion.
Everyone can look like this, with confidence and a little effort.
(btw, all the designs here look RAD.)
Thirdly, believe in and create opportunities for yourself in whatever you want to do. People might tell you: Nah you can't do it coz you suck. or no, you will never be successful if you choose this course. Tell them to suck it! It is your life, you choose how you live it. Of course, it is always good to accept constructive criticism, but never ever listen to dickheads who always make fun of you and put you down. Once you say something like "yes! I am going to do this and nothing can stop me!", really, who can? With that mindset, you will naturally work harder and try to meet more people related to what you want to do.
*tips for those who are in the classical music circle, you HAVE to make friends with the big-guns in the industry, whether you are in band or with the srings, because the music scene is Singapore is so tiny, and everyone is inter-related to each other. I have already made some acquaintances!
Oh, and for those whose parents are the ones bringing you down, try to learn to compromise. (tip learnt from Veronica) Of course, as Asians, we can't disobey our parents. So why not try to strike up a deal with them? something that goes: I'm going to JC, but I will NEVER EVER TOUCH SCIENCE IN MY LIFE EVER AGAIN MUAHAHA, and I get to choose my own course in University, or something along those lines. That's the tactic I used against my own parents ^.^
Part 2:- Keeping calm in the Aftermath.
If you did not do as well as you should have for your exams or failed some interviews, get over it! There are always so many more opportunities in the future. Just because you got 20 points for your L1R4 doesn't mean it's the end of the world, just take it as the much longer way out to your student career. If you feel regretful, hold on to that feeling and strive to work so bloody hard, you will never feel it again.If you fail an interview, sign up again a year later, bigger and better than ever with some upgrades and extra bulk, or search for other options that are similar to the previous interview. :) I'm sure you will find something suitable to your liking......
Of course, getting over your failures are easier said than done. Like how i got a merit for my theory exam and got beat up by my parents, failing the audition with Lynette Lim, getting the suckiest results in class for the whole of sec 3 and making my piano teacher so angry she didn't want to teach me anymore. It is painful, and it is difficult. Always have friends and family close who can comfort and support you throughout your tough times, and take baby steps to change your strategy towards success (you can't fly straightaway). Once you succeed.....
We'll sing: We are the Champions, my friend! (complete with Freddie Mercury meme :) )
Some families are going through difficult times, like illnesses or financial problems. As for me, I have been there, done that, and still going through it (financial part, not illness)! It is heart-breaking to see your mum get cervical cancer when you are just primary 6. With the chemotherapy and the surgery costing tons of money, it was really hard for my Dad to get by. I remember crying so bad because there was a possibility of my mum just slipping away right beneath my fingers.
How did I get by? Well, by praying to God really often. It gives me a sense of relief, because I know He is going to save my mother :) Also, I tried to make my mum as un-busy as possible by being more independent. The family looked toward the future with incredible optimism, which I believe is the key to overcoming these obstacles.
As for the financial part, well, I can't give advice on this because I need some myself. My obsession with material things is incurable. For great advice, go to Veronica Lee, she saves so much money every month, I feel so jealous. Anyway, I guess the trick is to not spend too much on useless stuff..... oh yeah. Finding a job helps too!
The ideal happy family - the Addam's family >:)
TOO FUNNY.
So after such a long and naggy post, I guess my point is to stay happy, even if it may seem impossible. It is good to let the tears come flowing down, but right after that, try to see the rainbow and laugh. Happy and gay~ LOL. After all, laughter is what makes the world go round. (read 9gag, it helps) When you are happy, things around you won't seem that bad, and you will definitely feel more amazing. Amplify your strengths, recognize your weaknesses, believe in yourself, plaster a smile on your face, screw the haters, and we are ready to ROLL!
Oh yeah, and to those mean girls out there, you are bitching about other people, but what makes you think they are not bitching about you? ;)
Theo signing off, leaving you with-
Song(s) of the day: No Boundaries - Kris Allen/ Adam Lambert
Aftermath- Adam Lambert
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